Every once in a while, a commercial so obnoxious comes along I just can’t ignore it. I feel compelled to transcribe this one from Exxon Mobil:
It was 1975. My professor at Berkley asked me if I wanted to change the world. I said, “Sure!” “Let’s grow some algae.” And that’s what started it. Exxon Mobil and Synthetic Genomics have built a new facility to identify the most productive strains of algae. Algae are amazing little critters. They secrete oil, which we could turn into biofuels. They also absorb CO2. We’re hoping to supplement the fuels that we use in our vehicles and to do this on a large enough scale to someday help meet the world’s energy demands.
To recap, that’s 35 years – Umpteen million dollars – Zero results. Good thing we didn’t have guys like him on the Manhattan project.
There’s been a paradigm shift here in America all right. “Changing the World” has become a euphemism for “Wasting your life.” Worse yet, Scientist Joe has the audacity to suggest that provided people keep pissing money in his direction, he just might be able to help a little. The other thing you can’t deny is had he not found this gig, Joe would most certainly have found gainful (for him) employment with the US Government. Same results, of course.
Remember this lazy, self-important dick the next time Larry Kudlow tries to sell you that the Chinese are hacking our computers to steal all our super-secret secrets. I don’t doubt that the Chinese hack our computers, but I really think they’re doing it for laughs, not knowledge. Unless the Chinese are interested in knowing things like:
- How to not stop a leaky pipe at the bottom of the ocean.
- Why Boeing can’t get the Dreamliner out of the hangar after more than 3 fucking years of delays.
- How to milk construction jobs for years (they built a 15 story building in 6 days)
- Why we haven’t executed Hank Paulson for treason yet.
- Or how somebody like Joe Weissman thrives in America.
Guess where the World’s fastest maglev train is? It was built with German Technology. Now look where your computer, your high-def TV, and all your kid’s toys (most of which, be honest, you have no idea how they work) were made, and tell me that you believe we know things they don’t. You’re an idiot if you believe that and what’s worse, you’re a conceited idiot.
Or would you prefer to bitch about how those sneaky chinks manipulate their currency by, get this, pegging it to ours? Pull up any Forex chart you want and tell me what that shit’s supposed to be. It’s more manipulation than market and I applaud any country that thumbs it nose at that pro wrestling casino. It shows that they care about their country and their people.
Feeling good about doing bad – Welcome to your new normal, America.