I’m not kidding.
I think everyone in the world is heartbroken watching this disaster unfold. I’m pretty sure I know how this could be fixed very, very quickly. It does not involve nuclear weapons, in fact it would have little or no negative environmental impact.
If you’re President of the United States, Tony Hayward or anybody else with the resources and authority to get this done, you need to contact me immediately:
P.S. I want $10 Million when my solution ends this catastrophe.
I will publish the solution June 25.
I apologize for not being more forthcoming, but I think it is important that we recognize the failings of the American status quo. If the powers that be knew what to do, they’d have done it by now, right? They don’t. And the depressing part is no one’s really surprised. We all know this is what you get when you let circle-jerking academics pass for seasoned problem solvers. So while I’m digressing…..
Six weeks ago, I applied for a position with the SEC as a “Trading Abuse Specialist.” Given the opportunity, I know I would excel at such a position (check out the blog, I’ve been doing it for free), but let’s face it, abusive trading is Wall Street’s bread and butter and Bernie Madoff’s “dear friend” Mary Schapiro has no interest in stopping that. Still a “Hey, thanks for applying,” or even a “Fuck off” would have been nice. I received no response. Just like I received no response from the SEC when I tried to report Angelo Mozilo’s insider trading (a $14 million bounty I’ll never see…)
I also recently applied for work at the FBI as a data analyst (I don’t recall the actual title). I did get a nice “fuck you” back from them. But not when I reported a US company that makes what can only be described as training equipment for terrorists. I don’t know what else to call a chamber that simulates a window blowing out of an airplane at 40,000 feet…..
So it should come as no surprise that I don’t actually expect anyone to contact me.
See you Friday!
Update – 06/23/2010 9:55 E.S.T.:
I’ve called BP’s “alternative response” hotline twice this morning, to ask two very simple questions:
1) How far above the Sea floor is the broken pipe?
2) What is the water temperature down there?
The people answering the phone didn’t know….They said, “it’s probably on the website, somewhere”…..Quite honestly, they seemed pre-occupied with asking questions, rather than answering them (Who are you? What’s your idea? etc.). I have to wonder how serious they are about stopping the leak.
Anyway, I can’t find that info. You’d think that somebody would have made a little sketch – with a few details by now. Furthermore, you’d think the people answering the phones would have access to that information. So here I am waiting for a couple of simple answers from BP. And waiting…
If anyone knows the answer to my questions, please let me know…..
Update 06/23/2010 12:20 PM EST: Contacted the Whte House (whitehouse.gov). Will be publishing the contents of the message shortly. I’ve also contacted the Dylan Ratigan Show and am posting updates at the Daily Bail.