Mark McHugh

Tin-Foil Hat America (the Eskimo Test)

In Open Thread on Monday, August 3, 2009 at 11:35 pm

The Daily Bail posted a video today of “911 Truthers” disrupting Bill Maher’s show. I’m a big fan of the Daily Bail (DB) because I see it’s primary focus as, “Seek Justice First“.  Everyday DB sifts through mountains of material to bring the best (and funniest) examples of  how our great nation has completely lost its way.

I guess I’m not sure why DB chose to post this.  I guess it has some entertainment value, and hope it is not an attempt to criticize anyone’s views on the events of  911,  because that would be silly (and not in a good way).  When it comes to 911, I see mostly varying degrees of how far your head is up your ass.  People in up to their eyebrows, probably shouldn’t be laughing at those with who’ve managed to get their chins in too.


Let’s tell it to the Eskimos……

More than 5,000 years ago, the Eskimos decided that they’d rather brave the most inhospitable conditions on earth, than listen to the blatherings of white people.  So they took their big brains and headed north, where the stupid would freeze to death or get eaten by polar bears (they tried unsuccessfully to sue Darwin for copyright infringement).

Anyway,  I’ve developed a little mental exercise to determine the soundness of my reasoning.   I imagine trying to explain my point of view to a group of Eskimos, who don’t like me much to begin with.   Convoluted reasoning is punished by yellow snowballs (thwump)….keep pushing the envelope and you get the “Baby harp seal” treatment.  Since I’m more experienced at this game and a self-confessed “conspiracy theorist”,  I’ll go first:

On the morning of September 11, 2001 15 Saudis (plus 1 Egyptian, 1 Lebanese & 2 UAE citizens) hijacked four planes at the direction of a member of a prominent Saudi family, and crashed them all.  Considering 80% of those involved (thwump) were Saudi, I think we should have blamed them.

Okay, your turn……

Yeah, but you see, it really wasn’t Saudi Arabia’s fault (thwump) (thwump)……  Bin Laden got kicked out of his family (thwump)….and ran training camps in a place called Afghanistan.  But in the meantime, there was this really dickish ruler in Iraq (thwump) (thwump)…..

Dude, that’s not good.   5 snowballs in the first round?  They usually get the clubs somewhere in double figures…My Turn

I thought it was weird that WTC-7 collapsed (thwump) and we never saw clear video from the Pentagon crash (thwump).

Back to you, babe.

Anyway, we figured this dick in Iraq had like “Super-weapons” or something, because he said he didn’t (multiple thwumps)… so we attacked him….Funny story, it turns out this other dicky leader actually did have them, but we were already up to our elbows in two other wars….(a barage of thwumping).

Time to go…….


How do you think you did, America?  I gotta be honest with you; that’s the kind of feeble-minded talk that gets you skinned alive around my imaginary Eskimo friends.  I will say this though.  Do you know what those “controlled demolition, missile hit the pentagon, Cheney did it” wing nuts got that you probably don’t?

The balls to stand up and be counted.

Call them what you want, but they are not sheep.  They possess the spirit that gave birth to this country, so cut them some slack, here them out, and lead them to reason whenever possible.  Before someone sells them on the notion of  “72 virgins” for committing mass-murder.  (Seriously though, who wants to be surrounded by 72 people who have no idea what the fuck they’re doing?) They are not the sociopaths that took the lives of your countrymen; they are your countrymen.   Tell me, do you love your country enough to interrupt a lame TV talk show?

I’ve heard that driveling moron, Bill Maher enough to last me a hundred lifetimes.  He is another cartoon character that’s supposed to represent some slice of America.  I’ll bet his audience is primarily conservatives justifying their contempt for liberals.  Same goes for Limbaugh, O’Rielly, Maddow, Oberman, Coulter, Beck and the rest of the pathetic caricatures on TV.  Fuck you and the Donkey/Elephant you road in on.

Yeah, yeah yeah………….I hear the “Twilight Zone” music already…..I’m almost done!

My unaddressed issue from 911 is that clearly Saudi Arabia has no fucking clue how to raise decent human beings.  Yet they were the primary beneficiary of the 911 aftermath (oil was under $25 prior to the attack).  Apologies? Sanctions?  Hell no, that’s tin-foil hat stuff.

And Hank Paulson’s a hero…….all other views will be promptly labeled tin-foil hat stuff.

The Daily Bail is a website of  Truth, Courage and Conviction, it’s voice needs to be heard.  The very sad reality is that many Americans have actually become conspiracy theorists by believing what they were told.  I mean full blown, tin-foil hat, shit for brains, conspiracy theorists laughing at others, because there’s safety in numbers.  To you, I say, “BAaaaa” and don’t stray too far north…

You’ve just read everything I have to say about 911, other than that I will never make light of the grief caused my that day.  But the reasoning (or lack thereof) that followed remains inexcusably poor.

pussius angriusPussius Angrius

P.S. I’ve been very critical of NASA recently, but I’d gladly support any costs associated with blasting both Maher and Ann Coulter off into Deep Space (separate capsules – opposite directions, to minimize the chance of spawning a race of super-idgits).

  1. Mark. I’m not sure if you’ve watched Bill Maher lately, but he’s not a Conservative…most label him liberal…just wanted that out there…he’s a strong Obama supporter and anti-Republican these days…he’s really just a libertarian who floats to one side or the other.

    Your prose was in top form.


  2. Steve,
    I am painfully aware of Maher’s leanings. What I was going for at the end was a kind of “Strategic bilateral idiot reduction treaty”, thus reducing the amount of weapons-grade stupidity on our airwaves.

    I’m also thinking that since we like out-sourcing so much, we could dramatically cut network costs by hiring Chinese network personalities to tell us what a bunch of Chowder-heads we are.

  3. “Seriously though, who wants to be surrounded by 72 people who have no idea what the fuck they’re doing?” … that seems to be one of those unavoidable realities, but the fact is the ones that really annoy me are created rather than just a product of inexperience.

  4. I had a zero-tolerance policy about comments I don’t understand, but beggars can’t be choosers.

  5. “I had a zero-tolerance policy about comments I don’t understand, but beggars can’t be choosers.”

    mark, this is the first time I’ve ventured over this way, but this is hilarious. really enjoying what I’ve read so far. and I agree 100% about the truthers.

    James H

  6. Loved the Eskimo test, I believe Ob Vious was referring to those who “have been around the block many times”, and now believe they carry “the pot of gold”. Versues the “uninitiated”

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